Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
