I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
