New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
