Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
