why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
