The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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