just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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