I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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