Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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