oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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