I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
