Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
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It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
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At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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