I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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