seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
