thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
