a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
