No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
