Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Its about making memories worth repressing
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
