So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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