I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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