This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
