cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
