Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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