We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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