Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
