All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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