He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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