OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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