How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
