If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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