If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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