Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
