Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
