I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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