i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
