Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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