Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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