clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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