Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
