so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
