i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
