yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
