areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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