Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
