Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
