You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize