your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
