i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
