Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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