I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
