I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
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Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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