some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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