he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
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He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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