oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
