(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
