You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
