Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
