I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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