Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize