If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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