Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
