i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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