1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
