remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
