I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize