i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
