Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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