I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
