I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
