If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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