i would punch a child for taco bell
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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